Control
In life we want our children to survive and do well and when they are young we can control them in the sense we change their dirty diapers, feed them what we chose for them to eat, put them to bed on time, etc. We become used to feeling safe because we are in complete control of the child. If somehow a 2 year old gets through the fence and wanders into the busy street we are terrified and rush out to save her screaming at her to stop. As long as we are in control and the child is safe we can relax and not feel worry and anxiety. However, as our children grow up our ability to make their decisions for them and protect them quickly disappears. When our children begin to make their own choices, our sense of security we had when we were in control turns into fear and great anxiety. Worrying is not peace and happiness and we instinctively try to gain control again to calm our worried minds. The parent, in desperation tries to control while the child is trying to become independent; this inevitably becomes a control battle with the parent going crazy trying to save and protect his beloved son. But the reality in life is that we do not have the power to control another human being. We can scream and holler and threaten and hit, but the truth is if a child has decided to try drugs and alcohol he will find them somehow, if he is bound and determined, and a parent can’t stop it. All control battles with our children end in disaster for the helpless, desperate parents. Parents can get angry and intimidate for a while but that works only for a short time. The truth (correct principle) is that people have free choice to choose for themselves in life. Give up the fantasy of control and learn how to be constantly reinforcing good behavior all day long. See Token Economy
